Sarcastic Partytime Medal Capers
by hendrixthenicecow
Summary: During a party, Nepeta has the swell idea to turn half the crowd into hiders, half into seekers. But... hiders and seekers of what? Butter? Baby Bears? Love? -cough IT'S LOVE cough- BUT ANYWAY. Something else gets deciphered amongst all the clue detail inspection: feelings. Whose and what are yours to find out. More info: T for some people's mouths. Be cautious for bad puns.


**Forgive me, if you don't understand this. I just wanted to get this down, and all that jazz. Oh and by the way, I do not own this. Mr. Andrew Hussie does. His sense of humor never ceases to amaze me… anyway, here's my little take on ONE aspect of one of my favorite ships, KarkatXJohn.**

**Another important note: Evertime there is a line break, it switches from 1st person perspective (Karkat's POV) to 3rd person omniscient (An outsider listening in to the thoughts of all the characters around John) or vice versa. This makes it definitively from Karkat's POV, but throws in what John sees as well, without being John. Yeah? I think yeah. Let's go.**

Karkat sighed. Parties were certainly not his thing. He was tired, he was in a bad mood, and being subject to pointless games angered him to no extent. In fact, he was planning on leaving soon.

I got up from my spot on Gamzee's couch, my body's resting point for the entirety of the ridiculous night, and proceeded to the door. Or, tried to, more like it.

"Karkles! Where are you going?" Terezi yelled from across the room.

_Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii—_

"Come on, we spent a really long time on all these messed up decorations. Show some appreciation," yelled Eridan.

Seated at the nearby table playing cards were Terezi, Tavros, Equius, Nepeta, Gamzee, Feferi, Eridan, and a two of our human acquaintances. Namely one, John, the reason my heart was clenched with anxiety all the time. And then Strider. THE MOST intolerable person I have EVER met.

Waves of disappointment and anger flushed from the card table, followed by me being thrown to the ground.

"Karkitty but you must stay! We'll have so much fun!" Nepeta exclaimed from her spot on top of me.

"Yeah. Real fun. I get to sit on a dirty old couch all night listening to you nooksniffers enjoy what small, small time your existence is. Best thing I can think to use my time up with," I spit back at her. Not literally, of course.

"Oh, but I have the purrfect game we can play!" she retorted unfazed.

Shooting up from her position above me, she hurried around the table to John's side, whispering something. He nodded furiously, then looked on the rest of us with a devious smile. The one he got whenever a good "prank" was about to go down. One that made my vascular organ system pusher speed up.

"Nepeta actually does have a good idea!" He shouted out with characteristic joviality.

Nepeta also told Gamzee, Eridan, and Dave. Each in turn, sported a dark smile after learning the secret.

"What are you up to?" I ask, too lazy to get up off the floor and throttle it out of someone. Gamzee looked at me, then said, "You'll like it, brother. Just watch the miracles unfold, and you'll know all you need to," with his trademark aloof smirk.

BLUH.

"Alright! Here's what the rest of you need to know!" Nepeta purred from the center of the room. "Everyone that already knows is a group leader. John, Gamzee, Eridan, Dave, and me! The rest of you will be the searchers! What we'll do is we'll each have a partner. WE'LL know who they are, but the rest of you won't. That's what you have to find out! There'll be clues to help you, though, getting stronger and stronger as time goes on."

She looked to the confused faces of the other five people.

"Oh come on, it won't be that bad! Alright, group leaders, away to our HQ!" she said, and bust out of the room, trailed by Gamzee and John with equal vigor, Dave with his style in check, and Eridan with a sense of see-through boredom. ANYONE could tell he was actually excited.

The rest of us were stumped.

"We're partnering up? Oh, well, this will be interesting!" Feferi glubbed, looking to the rest of us. It was her, Equius, Tavros, Terezi, and myself.

"When do we know when to, uh, search and stuff?" Tav asked.

"There must be some sign. The game would have no point without it," Equius retorted.

"Yeah, well this is as ridiculous as the human concept of 'homosexual'," I said, referring to the heartbreaking time when John went around saying it. To this day, I didn't know why it just… _hurt_ so much.

Tavros cocked his head slightly. "What's a homosectional?"

Terezi just cackled while everyone else looked away. "Don't worry Tav, it's just a really stupid human thing."

* * *

"Alright everybody!" Nepeta chirped. All the 'group leaders' had come together at John's house, it being nearest to Gamzee's, much to John's dismay. "We need to start thinking of some clues we can drop! Everyone knows the pairs, right?"

"Got my cute little Tavbro, my organ pusher's just swellin' to the core," Gamzee replied.

"I… I think mine's… Karkat?" John asks.

Nepeta nods, then looks over to Eridan.

"Lemme guess. Fef?"

She nods again, then proceeds onto Dave.

"That leaves me with Terezi," he says, monotone and void of emotion.

"Great! Now everyone knows who they're with! Now let's get on to those clues! Anyone got ideas?" she asked, looking around.

John and Gamzee both started talking at the same time. They both stopped midsentence, looking over at each other.

"Go ahead, brother, I've got all night," he smiled goofily, dropping into silence.

"Oh! Uh, okay! I was thinking for Karkat, I could leave a crab cake. What do you guys think?"

"Is that too mainstream, bro?" Gamzee asked.

"He means, is it too obvious? I dunno. Sounds 'aight to me. For Terez, I'm gonna leave her a laser pointer," Dave said.

"A… laser pointer? Isn't that for cats?" Eridan said, making Nepeta's head perk up.

"Nah, I mean, she loves the… taste of the color red, right? She can just point the light at her tongue. Insta red for nearly 'ever, am I right?"

"Oh! That's genius, Dave!" John said. It made perfect sense, she'd hardly ever run out, and she could just put it behind her ear for convenience.

"I know," he said, pulling a Strider smirk.

"But how would she know it's from you, motherfucker?" Gamzee asked.

"I'd get one made out of iron, of course," he said, smirking even wider. Irony was kinda his thing.

"I think Dave gets the best clue of the game award," Nepeta said, looking on in awe. "For Equius, I think I'm going to leave him a cat bowl that has milk in it. For me, the cat, and him, he likes milk!"

"That's a good one, Nepeta. Feferi will get a fuchsia human-trident," Eridan prowled happily.

"You mean… a fork?" John queried.

"Yes, that," he replied.

"Good luck finding one," Strider said.

"And to you finding yours, of course," Eridan rebutted, missing the sarcasm.

"Tavbro's gonna get some magic ink. Brown facepaint," Gamzee smiled.

Everyone just nodded.

"Alright!" Nepeta purred. "Now we need to find out the tags, or notes they'll have. I say we each write one word of each other's notes. What do you guys say?"

"Yeah!" John called.

"Alright. Mine furst," she said, presenting—purrsenting a piece of paper to us. We all wrote one word, so it ended up looking something like this:

DeAr equius, yo wwant ThE purrfect gift? well here YoU go! :3

Then was John's:

karkat, HeRe'S your clue. Wwe thought iT wwas purrfect! :o)

Then Dave's:

Yo TeReZi, h33r's yours. Hope you lIkE it!

Gamzee's:

Wwell, hey TaVrOs, here's yurr clue! TrY to find out wwho it's fur-um! :3

And finally Eridan's:

FeFeRi, this is your furst clue. good LuCk! :o)

"Pawsome, you guys!" Nepeta yelled.

"How are they getting there again?" Dave asked.

"We could hide them where they'll see them," John said timidly.

"Yeah! Let's do that. Everyone take your note and item, and go hide them! Go team!" Nepeta exclaimed.

Wasting no time, the crew got to work.

* * *

*First person Karkat POV*

I woke up in the morning FAMISHED. If I didn't get food, I might just have exploded.

I got out of my recuperacoon, quickly rushed into the ablution chamber, and burst out to my nutrition blo—kitchen! My kitchen, of course. The humans had gotten onto me for calling it anything else. Kitchen was shorter, anyway.

Well, when I got to that place, I ate the first thing I saw. Ok, no I didn't. I would've eaten my lusus. Which probably would've caused some problems.

Crabdad saw me come in though, banging around in my famished frenzy, and quietly crept away to the basement. Probably a good move, too, because I wouldn't be able to stand for him jeering at me at my abysmal cooking skills.

I threw the door to the refrigerating cubicle open to behold a heavenly sight. Already made food. But I had never seen this kind before…

I took the platter out gently, placing in on a nearby countertop. My fingers felt something on the bottom of it though. I lifted it above my head, peeking at the bottom. A piece of paper was attached loosely at the bottom. I ripped it off to view the front.

"_karkat, HeRe'S your clue. Wwe thought iT wwas purrfect! :o)"_

Oh crap. This is what Nepeta took away half the party for last night, wasn't it? Well, that's definitely Gamzee, Nepeta, and Eridan's quirks. The others must've been Strider and… John. Nepeta had said that we were pairing up, weren't we? Could John be my partner? Nah. Anyone could've made this cooked delight. I believe it's a pun-ish food. It's a crab cake.

I rolled my eyes, took the plate and went back to my room. Opening my husktop, I started a new memo board with only me, Equius, Tavros, Terezi, and Feferi.

- carcinoGeneticist [CG] began memo board: / "NEPETA'S MORONIC GAME" /

**CG: WELL. I BELIEVE THE GAME HAS STARTED. I FOUND A CLUE. IT WAS A CRAB CAKE IN MY REFRIGERATION CUBICLE.**

**CG: HAVE YOU OTHERS FOUND ONE AS WELL?**

**AT: uH, YEAH, I HAVE,,, i GOT A JAR OF BROWN GOO. i DON'T, UH, REALLY KNOW WHAT IT IS,,,**

**GC: 1 GOT ON3 TOO! 1 GOT SOM3 W31RD P3N, BUT 1 C4N'T G3T TH3 P4CK4G3 OP3N… :[**

**CG: WE NEED TO ALL MEET UP. COME TO MY HIVE. ALL OF YOU. RIGHT NOW. I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU ARE DOING.**

**CT: D - And what gives y00 the right to boss us around, lowb100d?**

**CG: DO YOU WANT TO GET THIS SETTLED OR NOT? AND FEF, SAY GLUB RIGHT NOW. I NEED CONFIRMATION THAT YOU CAN COME. **

**CC: 3:0 glub**

**CG: GOOD. NOW EVERYONE GET OVER HERE. **

**- carcinoGeneticist [CG] left "NEPETA'S MORONIC GAME" -**

Well, that was that, I suppose. Now's just to wait a while.

-20 minutes later-

After a while, I heard my door knock. Upon opening it, I'm face to face with Feferi.

"Hello, Kar!"

"Fef," I say, gesturing emotionlessly into my hive.

She steps around me carefully, and proceeds right to the couch, politely sitting, and waiting for me to say something.

"So, have you gotten a clue yet?" I say, cutting to the chase.

"Yeah!" she said. She twisted her back, reaching into a bag she had brought. She came back with a purple fork in her hand. "I found it on my dresser! Glub!"

"I got a crab cake. In my fridge. But I ate it. I got a hand-written note, though. Here," I say, slipping her the paper I found under my plate. She took it, and quietly began to read.

_*knock knock*_

"Hold on," I growled, approaching the door again. I opened it to find Terezi and Tavros.

"Well? What are you waiting for, a red carpet? Get your sorry selves in here!" I snapped, forcing the door open wider.

"Uh, sorry Karkat…" Tavros mumbled.

"Hey, don't worry about him Tav, he just needs to lighten up," she said, leaning over and licking my cheek.

"TEREZI, DAMN IT, I TOLD YOU TO STOP DOING THAT!" I yelled.

She just cackled and went to sit next to Feferi.

"Did you get a clue, Fef?" She asked, face alight with curiosity.

"Yeah, actually, I got that fork over there!" she pointed to the chair I had been in earlier. Terezi went over to it and picked it up, licking carefully at the tip of it.

"A purple fork? Okay, then. Well, I got this!" she exclaimed and whipped something out of her pocket. It looked like a small metal pen.

"Yippee, you got a pen," I said, smirking.

"It's not just a pen-"

_*knock knock*_

"UUUUH!" I said, racing over to the door. I whipped it open, already knowing who was out there.

"Get. Inside. Now. You're late," I said, glowering at Equius.

He merely sidestepped me, hardly acknowledging my presence/threat. He walked into the living room, bowing deeply to Feferi before taking a seat on a recliner off to the side of the room.

"Your majesty," he said courteously.

"Oh please, I told you to stop calling me that!" Feferi complained.

"Of course, ma'am," he rebutted.

"Forget it with the titles! What've we found so far!?" I snapped.

"Like I was SAYING, I got this. I finally got the package opened on the way here. It's a pen of magic!" She exclaimed. She proceeded to open her mouth, and stick the pen at the top of it. She pressed a button, and a thin ribbon of red proceeded to flow from it to her tongue.

"MMM!" she sighed, retracting the light, and placing the pen back behind her ear.

"Do you, uh, know who it's, um… from?" Tavros queried from his wheelchair.

"No but I found it tied to my scalemate's neck with this letter!" She said, placing a small piece of paper on the coffee table in front of us.

It said: "_Yo TeReZi, h33r's yours. Hope you lIkE it!_"

"Well, that's Nepeta's quirk," Equius said after reading it.

"And that's definitely, uhm, Gamzee's," Tavros replied.

"Yeah. It's all the 'group leaders'. They put in ALL their quirks so we wouldn't know whose is whose," I said. "What else do we have here?"

"I received a bowl of milk at my doorstep, along with this note," he said, pulling another piece of paper out of his pocket. His said: "_DeAr equius, yo wwant ThE purrfect gift? well here YoU go! :3_"

"Okay. So let's try to figure out who the partners are!" Terezi said. "Karkat, get us some paper."

"Of course, because I am your maid, after all. It's my only job to serve you WHATEVER your heart desires," I spat back.

"Oh just go get it!" She called back.

I left to go get some paper and a pen.

Coming back, they had all they had received lined up, and all the papers lined up.

"Okay. I'll write!" Feferi called, taking the paper from me.

"Okay, so Nepeta… Dave… John… Gamzee… and Eridan are the leaders," she wrote, drawing their names on the far left in columns. "Then there's us. We can take out the obvious pairs that we KNOW aren't our leaders."

"I'm clearly not with Eridan," I answered, "or Strider, that lousy fu—"

"And I'm not with Gamzee. That'd be too weird," Terezi said.

"I, um, don't think I'm with Nepeta or John…" Tavros replied.

"And I doubt I'm with Human Dave or Gamzee," Equius retorted.

"And I'm most certainly not with Nepeta or Dave," Feferi herself said, scribbling furiously as we all called who we weren't with. "Now let's calculate for the clues we got. What do you all think?"

"Well, uh, I'm still not really sure what mine, uhm, is, really…" Tavros said, eyeing the small jar of brown… substance. It didn't have a label, and it most certainly didn't come in a package.

"Lemme see that," Terezi said, picking up the small container, and twisting it open. She took a wide sniff inside, and was surprisingly rewarded by a luxurious scent of chocolate and peanut butter. "It's facepaint!" she exclaimed.

Tavros turned a dark shade of chestnut.

"What's wrong with you?" I snorted.

"I just, uh, think I know who mine is. They made it pretty clear," he grinned.

"Well, spit it out! Whoddya think he/she is, Tav?" Feferi asked, sitting on the edge of her seat.

"I uh, I think… maybe… it's, uh… Gamzee," he said, trailing off at the end to nothing more than a whisper.

"Who? Speak up this time, Jegus!" I say, throwing my arms above my head for the added look of exasperation I was going for.

"I said, I think it's Gamzee!" he yelled back. As soon as it came out of his mouth, though, he blushed even darker, but this time out of shame and embarrassment. "I, uhm, I'm uh really sorry."

"Wow, Tav, that's the loudest I've ever heard you get! Congrats!" Terezi said whole-heartedly, giving him a good-natured pat on the back.

"Uh, thanks," he said back shyly, once again reverting to introvert Tavros.

"I think he's right though. That's the work of Gamzee, alright," I said.

"It's logical!" Feferi said back. "Alright, let's work on you, Equius. Who do you think gave you yours?"

"Hm. I'm not quite sure, exactly. But considering that it's milk, they at least know what drink I like. I doubt it would be John Human or Dave Human," he said, resting the weight of his head on his hand. Because of his hemospectric dominance, he felt he had the right to refer to the humans as inferiors.

"That's reasonable," I say, nodding. Even if I didn't agree with his ideas or superiority, I thought that it was best not to get on Equius' bad side.

"Alright, so that means you're either with Eridan or Nepeta… " Fef said, making a weird face. "I've kinda gotten the feeling it isn't going to be Eridan."

"Yes, I'm getting the vibe I know who I am with as well. Now it's time for you, mutant blood. You got…"

"I got crab cakes. Which I ate," I said grumpily, "but it had a note like you guys'."

"_karkat, HeRe'S your clue. Wwe thought iT wwas purrfect! :o)"_

"Hmmm… do you think Eridan can cook?" Terezi asked, referring to the crabcakes.

"I highly doubt he would kill a sea creature, let alone cook it for another's enjoyment," Equius said, wiping his forehead.

"Indeed! I doubt it was Eridan," Fef agreed.

"I think we already had that covered," I say, agitated that they hadn't been listening. "But can Nepeta cook?"

"Perhaps. Or, purrhaps," Equius said, stressing the purr.

"Hehehe," Terezi cackled, "she's rubbing off on you, maybe literally!"

Equius just blushed navy.

"ANYWAY," I say, giving Equius a weird look, "What've you got Terezi?"

"The pen, like I showed you. And the note," she said, pondering. "I don't have any clues, though. The light tasted good, but the pen was kinda nasty," she said, making a disgusted face.

"Can I see that?" Tavros said, extending a hand. Terezi gently placed the pen in his hand, questioningly. He held it to the robotic legs that he sported, but hardly used (He said that they were 'unreliable'). "Hmm," he pondered. "It's the same metal as my legs. Equius, uh, what kind of metal did you use?"

"I used iron mostly, with a mixed alloy for the flexible hips and ankles," he retorted calmly.

"An iron pen, with a red light that comes out of it. That's strange," Feferi commented.

"Iron, huh? Isn't that an element?" I said, referring to my highschool classes that I had taken a few weeks ago. Thank you, summer. "It's Pb on the chart."

"Pb… isn't that the human, uh, equivalent of peanut butter?" Tavros said.

"That's IT, Tav! We need to see who reacts when someone brings up peanut butter!" Feferi said, jumping up excitedly. We all nodded, discussing how to bring it up in conversation.

"Perhaps when one is considering food options," Equius said, logically thinking.

"Yeah! And we all gotta try when we get together with the leaders, and then report back to the group! It's like collecting the data of an investigation. Comparing their reactions, whoever has the greatest might be my partner! But I wouldn't have much hope for Gamzee," Terezi trailed off, glad to eliminate a suspect.

"Yes, we all need to try! Let's go ahead and get back. We'll meet again soon… here?" Feferi said, glancing at me. I nod. "Here, then," she said, "and we need to all have information. Maybe even more clues!"

"Okay. That's great. Are we done? Then please GET OUT OF MY HIVE," I said, beginning to push everyone out.

* * *

John walked back to his house, satisfied. Day two of the partner challenge had come near to a close, and Karkat still had NO clue. John knew that Tavros knew he was with Gamzee. He made it obvious by the way he blushed. And Nepeta and Equius had been quite intensely talking. If Equius didn't know at this point, he was bound to get it quickly.

Karkat, on the other hand, had been all over the place. At the party, (yes, ANOTHER party, specifically for them all to get together) Karkat had talked to just about everyone. Even Strider, although their conversation was brief and highly amusing:

"_Hello, you insufferable prick," Karkat said, sitting down right across the table from Dave._

"_Hello, you ball of fun. Being in your presence gives me a good aura," Dave said, leaning back, putting his hands behind his head._

"_I'm sure. Listen, I'm asking you a damn serious question. So listen. Do you prefer a peanut butter sandwich, or one with meat?" Karkat said, stressing the peanut butter._

"_THAT'S your serious question? Oh wow, that's really deep," Dave said, chuckling openly._

"_Shut the fuck up," Karkat said, between gritted teeth._

"_I prefer mine with jelly and mayonnaise, really," Dave said, smirking._

"_You're unbelievable!" Karkat exploded, turning away from the table, knocking his chair over with a bang and walking into the living room, not caring to put his chair back up._

Yes, it was quite marvelous. John was lucky to have been able to be in there when it happened, as it was only the three of them. John had wanted some coffee, so he had decided to make some shortly before the conversation had started.

John frowned.

One thing had been kind of weird. Clearly a sign of their scheming to find out who was their partner/leader, all of the other members had brought up peanut butter in their conversation.

But… why peanut butter?

Who knows what they had come up with, but apparently it would've helped them place their teammates. He remembered when Feferi had come up to him, bringing it up herself:

"_Hello John!" she said, coming up to me and hugging me jovially._

"_Hello Fef!" I said, returning the hug with equal fervor. We were in the kitchen, cleaning up after our dinner of salad and wings. We were the last to finish, and everyone else was in the living room, trying to figure out how to play __Meet the Robinsons __on Karkat's messed up DVD player._

"_What's up?" I ask, placing a bowl of lettuce into the refrigerator._

"_Nothing, just wanting to say hey again!" She said, not losing any enthusiasm. She began to wet a washcloth to wash down the circular table we had just eaten at._

"_Urgh!" she called out in frustration after a few seconds._

"_What's wrong?" I ask, turning towards her. She was bent over the table, facing me, examining a spot on the table before wiping it up with the washcloth again._

"_There's this brown stuff all over the table. It's really sticky and gooey," she said, disgustedly. "I think it's called peanut butter," she said, glancing up to me as she said it._

"_Yeah," I say, turning back to the sink I was starting the dishes in, "that stuff, when it's dried-on, can be a big bully to get off of tables."_

"_Definitely, definitely…" she trailed off._

That had been the end of our strange conversation before we went back into Karkat's living room to be social again. Terezi had brought it up to me, Karkat had mentioned it, and I had heard Tavros talking to Gamzee about it.

Yeah, they had definitely planned it. Who knew what it meant, though.

* * *

"That was totally unhelpful!" I screamed into my house, Feferi, Equius, Tavros, and Terezi gathered around me.

"We got a little out of it!" Terezi said back more calmly. "We know that Dave isn't your partner!" She began to laugh wildly, completely losing it recalling their stunning conversation.

"Yeah, yeah, real hilarious," I spit back, unable to control my biting temper. "Did you guys get anything?"

"I, uh, really think Gamzee's mine, but we'll see when we get our next clues," Tavros said quietly.

"Yes, I think our next clues will be quite helpful. But anyway, for the time being, I'm taking you, Tav," Feferi said, bringing the paper with all of our names on it, "and Gamzee off the list as partners. Kay?"

Tavros and everyone nodded, agreeing that they would most likely be partners.

"Nepeta did not react to the peanut butter trick, although it was difficult to bring it up in realistic conversation," Equius grumbled. "I do not think she is your teammate, Terezi."

"Yes, I think she's yours, Equius!" Terezi grinned.

_*knock knock*_

Silence.

"…Who'd be here after the party? Did you invite someone, Karkles?" Terezi asked me.

"Why on ALTERNIA would I invite someone to my hive after a huge party?" I retorted angrily.

I walked to the door, unbolted it, and opened it to peer outside. But nobody was there.

"What?..." I mumbled, looking all around. It was then I noticed a basket sitting on my porch. I picked it up, examining its contents. There were five small boxes wrapped neatly in bright red, pink, navy, brown, and teal. Go figure, clues right now when we're all together still.

* * *

_Yep, _John thought, _leaving clues tonight, after we all knew as group leaders that they would stay later after the party, was a great idea._

* * *

I shut the door and walked back, placing the basket on the table in front of us.

"They're more clues," I said, beginning to unwrap the cellophane that covered all the gifts, and taking the bright red one for myself. It was times like these I hated my blood color, painfully pointing out my difference.

Everyone else picked up their respectful box, and began to open it. In mine, I found a small piece of wood. Picking it out of the box, it expanded, connected to a congruent piece of wood by thin cotton. Painted on the creased cotton was a crab.

It was a small Japanese fan.

Looking around, Tavros had gotten a Pupa Pan DVD, Terezi was holding a metallic looking scalemate. I was assuming that it, too, was iron. Feferi was holding a crown with the letter 'P' etched into it. Lastly, Equius had three small triangular towels.

"This looks like it's been torn," Equius commented, being first to break the silence to show us his ripped towels.

"Like… claws," Feferi said, knowing looks coming onto all of our faces. "Then I think I'll take you," Feferi said, making more lines on the page, "and Nepeta off the list as partners."

"I got Pupa Pan! Gamzee must've really been thinking of me!" Tavros said excitedly, going a very long sentence without a stutter. We all just smile. Well I don't. But I acknowledge the fact in the back of my mind, silently admiring his newfound outspokenness.

"I got another metallic thingy. I'm guessing it's ironic, again?" Terezi said aloud, passing it to Equius. He takes it, but processes her sentence in his mind again, as does everyone else except for Terezi.

"What?" She asks, seeing all of our wide-eyed looks.

"Did you just say… it was ironic?" Feferi asked, a knowing smile growing on her face.

"HAHA!" she started laughing, "I think I know who my teammate is now, without even intentionally doing that! I'll have to thank Dave for the laser pointer, though," she said smiling.

"Okay. That leaves me with Eridan or John," I said, pondering aloud.

There was quiet for a moment.

"Didn't you, uh, get onto US for not pointing out Eridan as clearly NOT your teammate?" Tavros said, shrinking back at the end, wishing he had said nothing.

I glare at him shortly. "Whatever," I say, brushing him off. That meant that… no way. John was my partner? Why am I so happy? I thought to myself. I know myself well enough to know that I'm not happy all that often. This, though, was clearly happiness. As rare as it was, it was strong.

"That means you're with John… and I'm with Eridan…" Feferi said, connecting more names and lines on the paper. Concentrating on her face, I could make out just the slightest bit of a blush, although you had to be looking for it to see it.

"Aw, that's cute, Fef, you're blushing!" Terezi cackled.

Apparently I wasn't the only curious one.

"O-of course I'm not! And besides, how can we be sure that these are even accurate? Okay, so Tavros and Gamzee, and Equius and Nepeta are givens, but are we sure about the others? I mean, they are the most logical, but still…" she trailed off.

At this point, I was pretty sure that even to HER, the idea wasn't convincing.

"I'm pretty damn sure that those are the people who are our teammates. We'll give them one more night, and tomorrow, we're going to get together. Maybe somewhere BESIDES my house," I said, leadership skills coming into play.

"I think, maybe, we could make THEM gifts, to clue them in to what we're thinking. I was thinking of getting Gamzee like, uh, a brown clown horn, or, uh, something," Tavros proposed, becoming less and less confident the more he spoke.

"That's a great idea, Tav!" Terezi said, jumping up and hugging Tavros enthusiastically. "I could get Dave some sick teal shades, yeah!"

"Nepeta could always use more yarn… perhaps—PURRhaps some navy colored yarn…" Equius trailed off, extremely embarrassed. He picked up one of his shredded towel pieces.

"Eridan could always use another ring. Maybe a pink one!" Feferi glubbed happily.

"Yeah, and…" I said, not able to come up with anything.

Everyone just kinda stared at me.

"Karkles?" Terezi asked.

"What?!" I spat at her. She jumped, unclutching from Tavros and standing at her full height.

"I was just wondering why you were being so quiet," she asked quieter herself, as if knowing.

"Just because I can't think of something off the top of my head to give to the love of my life isn't a big deal at all! You guys are just perfect at it. And no, I REFUSE to use one of Nepeta's ridiculous cat puns on that word, okay!" I said, throwing my hands up in the air.

"Love of your life?" Tavros said, staring at me wide-eyed and voice unnaturally steady.

Did I say that out loud?

My mutant blood ran cold. _Could that be something that could change my blood color_? I lifted my hand and pinched my forearm. It gathered red at the surface. _Nope_, I thought, _still red_.

"That was a slip of the tongue," I rebutted snarkily, sounding confident in my words, but my mutant blood in my cheeks proving otherwise.

"Hey!" Feferi said with a soft smile, "It doesn't matter that you love a human!"

"I love Dave," Terezi said, smirking and looking away.

"Y-you do?!" I asked incredulously. Could that even work between John and I? Could he love me back? Was it POSSIBLE that I could love him—or anyone, for that matter?

"Yeah," she said, looking down, "I realized after a while. Apparently, that feeling you get in the pit of your processed nutrition holder is something that symbolizes your affection for someone."

I got that a lot around John. When he would crack ridiculous jokes, always followed by a small bucktoothed smile. When he would snuggle up to me on the small couch at his Dad's house during the most intense part of a movie. When he would sidle up to me to tell me how a certain math function worked on our homework.

All of it.

"How didn't I see this coming? Are you ALL in love with your partners or something?" I asked, looking at the ring of people around me. In turn, they all either nodded (Feferi, Terezi, or Tavros) or looked down, blushing (Equius).

"So… what are we to do around them now?" Equius asked, moving onto the third towel as the second two were already damp with his sweat.

"I, uh, guess we just confess, and hope things work out. They clearly, uh, picked us for a reason. Maybe they all feel the… same?" Tavros said, choosing his words carefully.

"Oh boy… this'll be tough. Well, I think we should all get home, but tomorrow, let's all meet at my house. We can work on the gifts we'll give to THEM," Feferi said, smiling exuberantly, and extending her hand flatly into the air.

"Agreed. We can all do this!" Terezi said, and placed her hand on top of Feferi's.

Tavros was quick to follow, silently, and Equius wasted no time placing his on the stack.

"This is stupid," I said, placing my right hand on the very top. I sounded grumpy, but because of the smile—yes, a REAL smile, not a smirk—that was growing on my face, they could probably all tell that I believed we had a strong chance of being with our possible…

Matesprits.

The word made bubbles of joy form in the pit of my processed nutrition holder.

* * *

John made his way up the walk of Dave's house quickly.

He was clutching a small crocheted hat tightly in his chilled hands, overcome with excitement to show the rest of the group leaders what he had received. Not caring to knock the door, John walked in to see Dave, Nepeta, and Eridan already gathered in the living room.

"Hey, Egbert, glad you could make it," Dave said warmly, gesturing for me to join them. "I assume you got a 'clue' too, bro?"

"Yeah!" I said excitedly, easing down next to Eridan on Dave's couch. "I got this!" I opened and extended my hands, showing them the beautiful clothing in my hand. Crocheted in bright red, claws and eyes in its full glory, was a crab hat. The warm-in-winter-but-cool-enough-for-summer kind of hat.

Made with reliable hands, and smelling like spices and trees, I knew Karkat had made it himself.

Knowing this was the best feeling in the world to me, at the moment. Maybe Karkat felt the same way about me that I did for him. Coming to terms with myself, I realized my sexuality was not what I thought it was.

"Cool, man. I got these," Dave said, tapping the rim of some new shades he had gotten. They were bright teal. "Wonder who gave 'em to me?" He smirked, knowing full well who had given them to him.

"And I got this," Eridan said, holding out a finger for us to examine. It was pink, and spiraled to fit his finger well.

"That's very purrty!" Nepeta commented. Sitting in her lap was a ball of navy yarn.

"Not hard to guess, but I'm thinking that that," I said, pointing to the ball of yarn, "was your gift from a 'stranger'?" I ask, already knowing the answer. She nods vigorously, toying with it distractedly.

_*knock knock knock knock knock knock*_

"Guess we know who that is, huh?" I say.

"Yep," Dave says, and gets up to answer the door for Gamzee. "Hey man, the party's just started!"

"Thanks, brother," Gamzee says, making his way into Dave's hallway. He gets about five feet before we hear a crazily loud HONK.

Recovering from his cringe, Dave shouts "What the hell was that?!"

"That's my new horn, brother. Tavbro got it for me," he smiled lazily fondling it with his cheek.

"That's great. Never do it in my house again," Dave said, making his way to the living room frowning, Gamzee in tow.

"Alright, bro, just chill," Gamzee retorted coolly.

"Okay, so we all got gifts from our teammates? That means they know now?" John asks, excited for something to come about.

"Definitely! That means that maybe we should confront them," Nepeta suggests, swatting her yarn halfway across the room, looking surprised for a moment, then leaping to retrieve it.

"Oh boy, that's going to be difficult!" John said, looking a little nervous.

"Don't be a wimp, human. We all have to do this," Eridan said snobbily.

"We kinda got that," Dave replied shortly.

The air was starting to feel a little tense. Thankfully, Nepeta sensed it.

"I've got a pawsitively purrfect idea! Let's throw another pawrty, and we can all do it together! That way, it won't be so scary!" She suggested.

"I'm in," Dave said, leaning back in his chair.

"I'll do it too!" John said excitedly.

"Sounds chill," Gamzee says, captchaloguing his horn over and over again, eyes alighting with color each time.

"Fine," Eridan supplied, looking distraught but excited as well.

"Then it's settled! Pawrty at my house. Maybe we can play some games to ease into that kind of mood?" She asked.

"We're up for just about anything, at this point," I said, smiling shyly. "Anything you suggest sounds good to us."

"Alrighty then! Go team!"

* * *

_Another party?! _ I thought as I read the invitation to myself again.

**DEAR READER: **

** I, NEPETA, AM HAVING ANOTHER PARTY! COME ONE AND ALL FOR GAMES, FUN, AND FOOD! YOU DON'T HAVE TO BRING ANYTHING BUT YOURSELF. SO PLEASE, TRY YOUR BEST TO MAKE IT, AND LET'S PAWRTY!**

** 762 Kickapow St., Karmagio, Les Winkalsky, Africa. Cave 12. Try to avoid passing by Cave 6, though. There's a wild man eating clams in the backyard.**

This just kept getting better and better. Oh well, I thought, bringing the invitation back to my pocket. I wouldn't mind seeing John again. I walked up the short distance to Nepeta's front door. Being in an underground cave, though, a door just felt unnecessary.

Still, I knocked, and waited for it to open.

"Hi Karkles! Nepeta called, welcoming me warmly into her house.

"Nepeta," I said shortly. Walking inside, I was met with soft rock coming from what looked like a central gathering room, shooting off to the left was what looked like a kitchen.

"The pawrty's in here!" Nepeta said, leading me towards her 'living room'.

John was there already. I paid no mind to the others in the room. Okay, I actually did. Eridan and Feferi were already there, in a heated discussion. Gamzee and Tavros were listening to a song from a computer, both of them sharing earbuds, and Tavros blushing like there was no tomorrow.

Terezi and John were talking and laughing across from each other at a small, square glass table. Nepeta was walking towards Eridan and Feferi while I took a seat to the right of John, left of Terezi, and listened to what they were saying.

"…you serious? You'd risk a 44 shot for Kingsley's automotive repair?" John said, aghast by what Terezi had obviously said.

"Of course I would! Kingsley's automotive repair shop, once unlocked, gives you access to glass shards, which you need to forge the Crown of Decipherous, of course!"

"But if you get the shop, you can't get Barley's armory! That's a lot more useful, and you can also get Kingsley's later. But if you get Kingsley's first, you can't get any other level 2 building! Plus you can get boatloads of glass shards—heck, glass BEADS over at Old Hedgin's."

"Excuse me," I cut in, seething, "but WHAT ON ALTERNIA are you two talking about?"

"Only the greatest RPG in the world, Karkat! It's called Deciphering Economy, version 4. It's amazing!" John said, appalled I had never heard of it.

"I bet you'd love it Karkles!" Terezi said.

"I'm totally convinced," I said, sarcasm dripping from every word, tainted with no emotion or facial expression. John looked disappointed at this, though, dropping his gaze.

"But I might try it," I said, gritting my teeth and finding interest in one of Nepeta's ceiling corners.

"Great!" John said, leaning over the table and wrapping his arms around my torso.

I felt like asking Dave to freeze time for me, but that might raise curiosities. Plus it would mean having to initiate conversation with him. Which worked out SO WELL last time.

-20 minutes later-

"And he called from above the ceiling cracks, 'Custard, folkses, custard! Save me a piece'! He sure got the beating of a lifetime, that he did!" Terezi finished her story, everyone laughing. Even I had a smirk on my face. Thankfully, it had gone unnoticed.

"Awesome story, Terez!" Dave said, clapping her on the shoulder with one hand, clutching his stomach with the other. Terezi's face lit up in a smile (not to mention her teal cheeks) and whispered something in his ear.

Dave's laughter died down significantly, and he started to blush as well. It was weird to see another red-blood. Terezi's smile only grew, though.

"Uh, it was no problem, just something for a (-cough-) friend, y'know?" He said, spluttering. Hahah. Strider must've felt uncool for once in his awful life. Things around the table had died down, volume-wise.

Looking around, everyone had gone into quiet conversation with their teammate, the dinner being served with us all sitting next to each other. Which meant I was next to John.

"So, how is your human life this summer?" I asked uninterestedly. I was actually very interested to know what/how he was doing, even if I didn't convey it in my words and tones.

"It's alright. _I'm kinda starting to find out new things about myself, though_," he said, trailing off to barely nothing after the first sentence.

"Jegus, John, you need to speak up. Stop mumbling," I say curtly, focusing my attention on my ever-growing yellow nails. "You said something about finding out about yourself. Go from there."

"Okay. I, uhm, have found out new things I didn't know about myself. I um… I can cook!" he said delightedly.

"Yeah," I said, turning to him and smirking. "I found that out with the crabcakes."

"Oh, uh, yeah," John said, starting to blush.

"Listen, John. I think we both know who our partners are, right?" I said, looking at him intently.

"Well, yeah-"

"So what does this mean? Did I just win the game? Yippee, I found out who my teammate was. Give me a medal," I said, spreading the sarcasm on my words with a thick butter knife.

"Well, Nepeta was going to tell us here soon what we do next. Just hold your horses," John said, smirking. A few minutes later after some near-silent grumbling, I found out that John was right.

"Alright everyone!" Nepeta called out to all of us, standing up. "I think we all know who our partners are right? Right! So you're probably thinking about what we do now. Well, the group leaders had come together a while ago…" Nepeta raises her hand, palm-up, telling the group leaders to rise. They do, and come to stand behind her.

"And we were thinking that if you know who your partner is," she said, lining up side to side in a line with all the other group leaders, "come and kiss us, matesprits." Nepeta was blushing quite hardly, shocking the rest of us to silence.

John was blushing ferociously, shyly looking down to his feet, between Nepeta and Dave.

Kiss them? They gotta be kidding.

"Did you rip this out of some cheesy romance novel, Nepeta?" I splutter angrily into the silence.

I can see John's face fall.

She puffs her cheeks out. "No, I did not!" She calls indignantly. "We thought it was a good idea! And that… maybe you guys would feel the same," she says looking at the other team leaders. They nod as well.

"Works for me!" Terezi calls, waltzes up to Dave, and kisses him unashamed. Dave is shocked beyond words, but eventually kisses back.

"I suppose there's no getting out of this, huh?" Equius says. He walks confidently to Nepeta, wraps his arms around her as gently as he can, and kisses her as well, making 2/5.

"I, uh, guess it's my turn," Tavros says shyly. He begins to wheel over towards Gamzee, but thinks again. He steps out of his wheelchair carefully, then walks over to Gamzee himself. He is still adorably shorter than him.

"Definitely your turn, Tavbro," Gamzee says, then kisses Tavros himself. 3/5, but the first where the groupleader kissed the other teammate.

Feferi was silent, but walked up to Eridan with her head bowed. She looked nearly… melancholy. Eridan lifted her chin, concern etching his face. "Feferi? Are you alr—"

Feferi kissed him out of the blue, stunning Eridan. Me, not so much. It's just one of those things you can sense coming. 4/5.

That left me.

I walked up to John. Honestly, he looked terrified. "Whatever happened to not being a 'homosexual'?" I asked him, no trace of malice detectable in my voice. If anything, I was hopeful, which didn't really suit my personality.

"Remember our conversation at dinner about me finding out new things about myself?" He said shyly.

Ah. That explained it.

"Alright," I said, then leaned up on my toes and kissed him, hoping that the passion in me would transfer to him how much I actually cared for him. Even if I didn't blatantly show it. Hearing clapping in the backround, I break it off.

Everyone around us has started clapping.

"What?!" I spit at them, still clutching the front of John's shirt in my fists.

"Well, we're all together now, and we're all good friends and stuff. It's just special!" Nepeta said, leaning back into Equius' chest.

"I think this just gives us another reason to party!" Terezi said. "AAAaaw yeeeah!" Dave shouted in agreement, standing behind her, but wrapping his arms around her torso.

"Hey!" Tavros called out to the group. We all look over to him in his outburst. "Does this, uh, mean we all have the same anniversary?"

We were all going to have interesting anniversaries, was all I had to say. But if it meant keeping John, hey, that'd be cool with me.

**AWWWWWW YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAH first Homestuck fic COMplete. I feel accomplished. I know, I know, this is ridiculously long for a one-shot. I don't care. I'm also sorry about the cussing. Some people would beg to differ with me on this, but I think that it just doesn't fit their personalities if they don't. Like Gamzee. He says 'mothertrucker' all the time ('scept not "trucker" kiddies) but I don't really like saying that. At all. I put it in once. Toning it down just feels childish, I mean, having them NOT say it is more unrealistic that him saying it five times in one sentence. So once for the story; that should cut it. **

**And plus, I've kinda had this idea swimming in my head for a while. I like it. Yeah. Honestly, if you didn't like it, I'm a little sad, but… I don't think it'll make me too upset. Being happy with yourself is key to enjoying life, don'tcha know? Anyway, it's past midnight. So, au revoir, chaps. Please leave a review if you have the time. If you don't, please call Mr. Strider. He has his… sources.**

**~hendrixthenicecow**


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